come what may, and love it

Come what may, and love it


How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment


The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.


If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.


-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

I'm so close..

I guess i'll start by stating something that Hyrum Smith taught me. There are Four things a person absolutely needs, PERIOD. 

1. To live
2. To love & be loved
3. To feel important
4. Variety

These four needs are the things that govern every choice in our life. Wether we recognize it or not. In order to obtain these needs, at times we are willing to do anything. If you think about it, to live, its easy no one wants to die. When people are faced with death they start doing crazy things in order to get out, in order TO LIVE. To love & be loved.. Where do I even begin with this one.. ahh we'll skip it and I'll come back to it. To feel important, we start sports, we make friends, we begin hobbies, we try to impress others, and at times the need to feel important becomes so great that we begin to start doing the dumbest things, we begin to go out of our boundaries and do crazy things in order to get attention from anything from anyone. Then last but not least Variety. The reason we wear different clothes, the reason we listen to different music, the reason we go on vacation. 

Now at times its not that we need to meet our needs but that we meet our needs in a wrong way and its because of one thing.. SELF WORTH.

SELF WORTH... What are you worth to yourself? Just think about it for a bit. You may be thinking how does self worth tie in with meeting our needs and i thought about that for awhile and it took me awhile to figure it out, it took me a few late night talks with a few friends to finally  realize that if our self worth is great we are willing to do anything to correctly meet our needs. First example once again to live. If you're self worth is high and you walk into a room with a hungry tiger obviously you are going to turn around , run and want the need to live. But if you're self worth is low, you could care less if you were to die, you could careless that you are about to be mauled by a tiger. To feel important and variety i think that these both tie in together.. If think that at times we go down the wrong paths in order to have variety or to feel important in life, we begin to make the wrong friends because it's the easier thing to do. Our self worth is so low that at times we don't care wether we destroy everything and everyone around us as long as we can feel important, as long as we can feel that variety even if it maybe for one small second. Wether it means hurting someone or getting that next high. Then to love and be loved... If we don't have that self worth, we are willing to go to anyone for that love. Even if it means the rudest most mean person we know. That person made us feel loved at one time and we just want that feeling once again. There's just one thing i can say about self worth and that is 

"If your self worth is dependent on anything other than your relationship with Christ, you are in big trouble." -Hyrum Smith


I still can't wrap my head around this... at times I can depend on Christ to meet my needs but I have to admit. Most of the time I let the world tell me who I am. I let it to get in my head and i forget who I am. I forget that I am a Son of God. The man who gave me everything. I let the world tell me that I'm not good enough. That I'm not important. That there is only one way that I can get the variety I need. That there is only one way that I can be loved.. That just because that one person doesn't love me, no one does. That there's no need for me in this world. My self worth is shot down the drain and what do I do. Sit there. Think about what I did wrong. And it was not letting the lord letting me know what I'm worth to him but letting looking at myself the world does. 


 To love & be loved....
 I like to believe that, this need is the one need that as human beings we struggle the most with. For a long a long time in my life. I felt that the only way I would meet this need is by ignoring it. By not caring others. not feeling love or any emotion whatsoever. oh it was so easy to do. It was the easy way out, but then I finally realized. IS THAT WHAT I'M WORTH? The easy way out? All i'm gonna be worth the least possible. Am I gonna give myself literally the very least I can give myself? I finally got up and told my self no, I can do better for myself. I know what I deserve and I'm gonna get it. For awhile I thought I had it. I'll admit it, I felt loved, I felt important but it wasn't because of Christ.. It was because of a girl. And when she was gone, what happened? Well, that love left.. and I'll be honest these last few days, I haven't really felt loved.. but I think I solved the problem. Ha Today, driving home I can't remember from where but I remember seeing a kid I knew of, but never really talked to him. I knew that if we saw each other we would say hi and what's up but not much more than that. I thought in my head pops in my head. "pick him up" and what do I do? Drive on by..... for a second it killed me... I just stared at the road, started making excuses for not to pick him up. He wouldn't pick me up, ahh I'm in a rush, don't really have the time and he probably lives in narnia. But finally, i told my self lets be real if I was him I would love a ride, it's so cold outside. So I flip a U-turn and pick him up. Not much was said in the ride but we both know it was what we both needed. It started so many thoughts and ideas in my head. Later on that day, a friend called me for the smalles favor and all I said was "uhh I can't, I'm already to far away....." he sighs over the phone and sits in silence.. I was going to hang up but then in my head a thought comes "WWJD, and what would a homie do" haha With the right thing to do. I told him, "Don't worry, I'll go get it" and yet he had instant relief and I could tell that he was so happy, it was the one thing that he needed and I was there to help. After that whole little incident, I began to think of the good samaritan, not saying that I'm anything like him but that maybe since I'm not feeling "loved". That maybe I need to love more, and not "that one girl" or "that one homie" but everyone, specially those in need. The moment that I begin to love those around me, that I begin to be the best I can not for myself but for others I believe that all of my needs will be met. I believe that, that's how Christ did it. That even though everything he went through he found his love in loving others. I know it's not gonna be easy at all. but the harder it is the greater the reward. I want my self worth to be so great that I want the best for myself but the only way that I can be the best for myself is in being the best I can be for others as well. That I can take advantage of those opportunities to help all those around me and not let it pass by. That I can take the challenge. That no matter how hard I fall, I can get up ten times stronger. That I'm gonna be the best kid anybody ever knew. It's about how much I can take but still be the best, to keep moving forward. Who's got the right to stop me? No one. If you know what you're worth then get what you're worth.

To the homie..

This post goes out to one of the biggest influences of my life... one of the biggest homies i've had.

Jared Harvey

Four words i have to say to you.. I MISS YOU MAN.
I dunno, i couldn't sleep, just had a lot on my mind. got in my car and just started driving around like we used to. Trying to think of what you would say to me, talking to myself, pretending you were right there. I ended up parking in front of your house.
Memories rushed me like none other. your cabin, powell, getting pulled over, our late night talks, tubing, cruising around on our bikes, endless and endless memories. The things you would say to me. I hope you know you've influenced my life so greatly. I could use you're wisdom and clever sayings more than ever right now. I could really use a late night talk. I told myself this wouldn't happen I wouldn't miss you, but i do man. I hope everything is going great in Argentina. I want to thank you for all the things you taught me, how to get past the hard times and just live life like it should be lived. Thanks for teaching me to take the time, step back and just breathe. Thanks for being the great example for me and for always being there. I can't wait to join you and spread the gospel to the four corners of the earth. I can't even express my gratitude for you man, I love you.

"We must be the change we want to see in the world." -Ghandi

Please watch this first..

This video left me speechless for a bit, and I gotta admit, I did cry a little. I don't even know where to start. ummm this video shows so much of what I've been feeling lately, what I've been trying to tell some people in my life. This man, given one dollar, 

ONE DOLLAR

yet with one dollar look at the change he made. It makes me think, with all that I'm given, with all that I have. Why do I take it for granted? Because I know I do, and I do it subconsciously, when things don't go my way, or how I want them to I start to tell my self that I deserve better, that this shouldn't be happening to me. All I have to say is that we need to stop being selfish. I don't mean go and start donating all we have and doing hours and hours of service. This man all he had was merely a dollar and yet he change the lives of many. What about us, with the opportunities we have to impact one another everyday. With going to school, work and being with friends and family, are we going to choose to make sure things go our way and that we are happy? Or are we going to choose to help those around us, to see those who are having a hard time and cheer them up, to build each other up. The opportunity to help others is a gift of grace. With it being the Christmas season, I want us to start giving a gift... a real gift that won't  be over used, or grow out of size, or loose its worth, but a gift that's unforgotten. That's the gift of charity..the gift of unmeasurable love and kindness. Guys they don't say "tis' the season to be jolly" for nothing. Make the change now to start caring for those around you, to stop always thinking about yourself but about how you can help those around you. I can say one thing that I know for sure, this won't be easiest thing we do. but it's possible and I know that if we do these things and begin to love one another that we will be a happier more peaceful people. As Jacob Schemmel taught me "ELE" Everybody Love Everybody. Don't let this Christmas season be the only time that you care for others, but let it be the start of a new chapter, a new beginning. Let this be the time when you embark a new life. The start of something new, the start of a better, happier life. 

A tender love and mercy..

January 15th 2010... A day that changed my life. A few days after picking up my brother from his mission. I remember sitting in the hotel room with him reading the Book of Mormon. When he challenged me to read The Book of Mormon once a month and he promised that if I did i would be blessed greatly. He promised me that my character would change that I would be blessed in things that I wouldn't be able to see until later.

Well this week was finally the week that I noticed that. I'm kinda mad that it took me so long.. I feel that thanks to the lack of sleep all week, with emotions, work and family keeping me busy, I finally managed to ponder it through. That blessing was understanding the love of christ.. the love christ had for people that he never knew. In the last few days, I've met new people, in the last few months I've met many, but yet I feel as like I've known them for years, like we've been through so much. I don't really know how to explain it but I can tell you one thing that its a beautiful feeling. To be able to understand someone so well, before even getting to know them. At times I forget and act like I really have known them forever but then I remember that they dont' feel the same way you do. Which sucks most of the time haha. I dunno how to explain it but I think I truly found happiness... Just caring for other, caring for every person you meet. Being able to feel a love for them no matter what their past has been. To be able to understand people at such an intense level is really a wonderful gift.

Luckily enough this week went by as an eye opener and helped me see things the way I needed to. To be able to look through the lords eyes for once and understand what he has in store for me. Even though at times its not what I want, its what I need.

Savior, may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior, may I learn to love thee-
Lord, I would follow thee.

Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee.

I couldn't have said it better myself..

I Love not sleeping..

Sleep.. what a waste of time....


SOMETIMES i like not being able to sleep, i know weird huh. but it feels nice to ponder and have the time to do it. to be able to look at my life and try to correct things in life to make changes. Time to listen to some happy music and sit back and close my eyes. Just sit and let my thoughts wander and re arrange in my head. Just feel that peace and calamity that I strive for everyday.

Life's tough.. but you know I CAN DO HARD THINGS. A motto that's stuck through out my life as a kid. Thanks, Bro Tanner for that. I'll never forget it

Another thing I strongly believe in is, NOTHING is achieve without sacrificed. Whether good or bad, big or small. Without sacrifice of time, money, feelings, whatever it may be. You sacrifice something in order to receive something in return. Sometimes the return may be big or small. Whether you want to sacrifice you're time and talents to help those in need, or for memories. The choice is up to you.

I believe that, thats a main part of the recipe to happiness... Willing to sacrifice for the better.. willing to let go of things that don't belong in your life no matter how much you want them. Willing to change. Willing to have faith, that there are things waiting in store for you, if you're willing to make the sacrifice.

Motivation, one of the biggest things people are missing when they try to change. Many feel like they have no control over themselves. “This is who I am.” “I cannot change.” “I was born this way.” The world makes claims like this all the time. “I can’t control my desires.” 


Colossians 3:1-2 says,

“If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.”

I cannot say this any more clearly, you can deny it all you want but it's true. We are ALL children of our Heavenly Father, thats WHO WE ARE, who we are destined to be. We need to learn and understand this but yet its not easy. Its a "hard thing" and you know what I CAN do hard things. I know that if I humble myself and understand that the lord has a better plan for me. That these changes can be done, that this change of heart is possible. Its all wether i'm willing to put in the sacrifice whatever it may be.

This reminds me of the General Conference talk Elder Dale G. Renlund  about preserving the hearts mighty change. In it he states, "Enduring to the end can be challenging because the tendency of the natural man is to reject the spiritually changed heart and allow it to harden Once we begin to make the sacrifices our motivation can only last so long and at times we give up and and begin to dig the whole we once sat in, trapped and alone. Just because it's the easiest way out. But yet we all know that the easiest way isn't the best, so why do we still try the easy way? make shortcuts in life? I believe we need to learn to want to sacrifice, to have the patience for things to get better in our life,  for the mysteries of God to unfold. All in order for us to have true happiness. To be able to live in a blissful state

I love this

A Morning Prayer

Good morning, Dear Lord, how are You? I just wanted to say 'hello;' To let You know that I love You, I simply wanted You to know. That I think of You all the time, You're the greatest part of my life; I thank You for loving me, too, You help me deal with worldly strife. For being with me every day, Thank You for taking walks with me; For all the freedoms that You grant, For allowing me to live free. Thank You for family and friends, And, of course, for all Your true love; For all the blessings You send down, The sun, moon and stars up above. I thank You for Your sacrifice, Dying for us, You shouldn't have done; Simply because You cared so much, All of our battles have been won. Yes, it is a perfect morning, This is such a great way to start; Knowing You're with me all day long, Having You deep, down in my heart. So, Lord, have a wonderful day, If I may be of help to You; Just let me know in Your own way, Whatever You ask, I will do.

~ Paul D. Berube ~

God would not have brought me this far, had me fight this hard, if He didn't believe I was strong enough..

I will not be still..

I've never been the kind to testify
I don't have the words his truth deserves
But it's a simple thing he asks
A worthy heart and willing hands
He says if I'll make the choice
He'll help me find my voice

I've never found a better song to describe my testimony, I feel so many times that the responsibilities I am given aren't for me, the things he asks of me. That I'm not worthy enough. This reminds me of days in High School, in seminary, as part of seminary council. The many promptings i would receive but yet not know what to do, but knowing that as long as I have a willing heart and go for it, that HE WILL HELP, as long as I give it my best and ASK for the help.

He calls me to serve and i cannot fail him

The one who has given me all that I have

I place my trust in him alone

He knows the yearnings of my soul

Because he believes in me

Sometimes.. k lets be real ALOT of times i think that the things I am asked to do are too hard for me, I feel like its too much of a burden. I try to make reasons and by reasons I mean excuses not to do them. Probably the worst thing I can do, but then I finally buck up and thing of words like these to remind we why I'm here, why I meet the people I do. It reminds me at times why even though i don't know what the outcome is I'm going to trust him, that its for the best of me. 

I put my future in his hands

Knowing he's made me all I am

I think ennufff is said.

Lifting the hands that hang down in sorrow

Strengthening knees that bend in despair

Reaching the hopeless hearts who do not know his love

Seeing their lives begin to change

I know ill never be the same

This goes out to all my homies on a mission. I miss you guys that for sure it seems like every week I'm having to make new friends ha. I don't think you guys understand how much it hurts me having to wait so long. But still can't wait to join you guys out there. 

Sundays..

Sundays hit me like a ton of bricks.. every week. ha Guess since I don't really do much but ponder and do church stuff it gives me a lot of time to think. Well this post is gonna be all over the place.  We'll start off with this song i heard playing through out my house and one line that hit me was.

 What did he die for, when he died for me

this was stuck with me all through church. Am i living how i should be? Am i making myself worth something, not to the world but to my savior. Is he proud of me? Most Humbling moment of my life. Took a second to look and i know the things that i need to do, to make myself a better person, to be who he wants me to be, to be just like him..

Why is sacrifice so important??

I think in order to become who we want to be, in order to be great in life, to be great in eternity, to accomplish mostly anything, sacrifice is NECESSARY. Wether you like it or not, in order to get things done you need to sacrifice, sometimes the sacrifice maybe small but sometimes its not, its a huge sacrifice
that you think is impossible. Im glad that i've had to sacrifice so much of my life at such a young age.


Dare to be a Mormon;
Dare to stand alone.
Dare to have a purpose firm,
And dare to make it known.

Memories..

I like to look for rainbows when ever there is rain
and ponder on the beauty of an earth made clean again.
I want my life to be as clean as Earth right after rain
I want to be the best I can,
and live with God again.
I know when I am baptized my wrongs are washed away,
and I can be forgiven and improve myself each day.
I want my life to be as clean as Earth right after rain
I want to be the best I can,
and live with God again.


..... Just remembering my baptism... one of the best days of my life.

Choices, choices, choices...

Well this is going to be a really long post.. so much has been on  my mind. So i'm going to get off on a lot of tangents. Today, easily one of the most influential days of my life. We'll start with waking up, had a really weird dream. It was about 6 years later into the future friends are getting married left and right. pretty much the whole world was moving in fast forward speed around me.. Everyone making all these choices as i just sat there and analyzed everything that was happening. Only to wake up at 6 in the morning to find that it was all a dream. ummm.. 4 hours till i have to get ready for church i decide to start righting in my journal. Choices, Change, Challenges. Words that have been roaming my head ever since i graduated. Umm my 18th birthday is coming up.. haaa im such a little boy, but i dunno its time for me grow up.. i love being a kid, i love messing around.. People keep telling me, enjoy it while it last.. and its true we need to enjoy it while it last, but we can't make it last too long, or else we will be stuck behind, there's a time that we need to grow up and find a new way to make things work. Find new ways to have fun. Everyday, we make choices. hundreds and hundreds of choices. Waking up seeing my mom, i have the choice to say good morning and ask her how she slept and show her i care about her, or i can walk by and not build that relationship. Who am i gonna let myself become.. Every decision that i've made in my life that i can remember rushes my brain, i just sit there for about an hour, thinking about the things that i regret that i won't let happen again. but then those decisions that have made my life so great, that i am proud of, that i'm proud to say that those decisions have made me who i am today. Finally, getting ready for church once again, choices i know it sounds stupid but there they were, out of 5 white shirts which one am i gonna choose. haha i know you might say there is no difference but there is, after i pick my shirt, i choose a belt, then staring at my collection of somewhat around 78 ties last time i counted, i choose one of my new favorites. but choices, choices, my family leaves early to church i do have the choice to go to singles ward but what's better for me, i sit and think.. i'll go to my ward, i need a calling, i need something to give me responsibility. The last year i've had 4 callings in the church and now not a single one.. i know i miss them, as much as i hated getting ready and going to meetings a 8 in the morning till 5 on sundays i loved the spirit that i felt. I loved the chance that i had to help the people around me, knowing that i was a part of his great work and i'm so stoked to serve my mission. K well back on track, i arrive at church, sit down at our usual spot with my family.. Look up and there's the sacrament table. One kid is there, for the past two years i've been him, i know how he feels. I have the choice, go bless or don't. Thanks to the choices i've made lately, i'm worthy i decided to go up. He says thanks for coming up, its five minutes before church starts and we are the only two. Finally, the third priest comes up. I look at the people coming in, i see visitors. One of them is one of my old leaders, Glenn Curtis, memories flood my head, this happens alot when i see people, memories come back. I remember camp outs staying up late him telling us stories, telling us the choices not to make, the mistakes he's made and how great we can be. My eyes begin to tear up a little bit, i remember the testimony he had and the impact it had on me. His children who he told me many times that they looked up to me. How i hope that i can be just like him as i grow up.  We make eye contact and we both just smile. Time goes, and two little girls in our ward got baptized they come up to be confirmed and receive the holy ghost. Remind me of when i first moved to America, moving into this ward 11 years ago. My dad baptizing me, giving me the gift of the holy ghost and confirming me a member. Remember the covenant that i made with the lord that day to represent him as best as i could. umm the time came, i kneel down to bless the sacrament, i still get a little nervous. i start the prayer, half way through the spirt hits me, and tears begin to run down my cheeks, i finish and stand up. Hand the deacons the sacrament and they go and do their duty. I sit down wipe the tears and it hits me soo hard everything that heavenly father has done for me. The love he has for me, to give me all these choices in life, to give me all the opportunities i have. To be able to represent him at the sacrament table, even though i look like a total punk with my hair and glasses. Its fast sunday so i go and sit down with my family, usually i put my head down and fall asleep but not today something whispers, write down what you've felt, and stay awake, please. Ummmm for a second i look around but it wasn't anyone. I take out my journal and begin to write, feelings, impressions, thoughts that have been going through my head.. Bro Tanner gets up and opens the testimony meeting and begins to share some experiences of the ward trek that is coming up. Once again, memories of the last trek i went to. I look for alan and tim in the crowd, i can guarantee you i knew what their thoughts were exactly at that moment. We all were wishing we could go one more time. Soon people begin to go up, just like every sunday i feel prompted to go but i never do. I sit there and take note of things people say, Time waits for no one, What else could you want in life, He's good at what he does don't doubt him. These are definitely going on my wall. Then brother Curtis gets up.. Tears began to fill his eyes, i feel that same spirit he does and again tears roll down my cheeks. He brings up, an old neighbor of mine naki Maile... that man had the biggest heart i know and he was a HUGE influence in my life. He passed away a few years ago, no one knows why he just didn't wake up. He had 5 girls all under 10 years of age. Again the tears became heavier, memories that i had with him. The happiness that i felt knowing that what he did was such a sacrifice but for some reason the lord needed hoping that i can give up everything for the lord like he did. Umm testimony after testimony just hit me soo hard. One of our young women got up and shared about how she was alone for  a week with her dad because the rest of her family was out of town. She shared about the story of saving private ryan. How those men were willing to sacrifice their lives for our freedoms. How they knew that 2/3 of them were going to die. and it clicked in my head and hit me hard.. The lord knew everything that he was going to go through, he gave it all up for us. So that we could have our agency, so that we could return to him. So we could strive to be just like him. So that we could have the agency to make CHOICES. To be who we want to be. The lord allows us to be who we want to be but is it who we should be, a thought that crossed my mind at the moment. Next i went to sunday school, we talked about loving one another, how christ served everyone, I believe that thats when we are happiest, how it may not seem like it at the moment but i think that's what we will remember in the other life. The times we help others when they were down and the times other's helped us when we, ourselves, were down. Then going to elders quorum. We talked about service, and how at times we dont do what we should and why? i think we make excuses and it brings me back to Elder Robbins talk from last conference what manner of men and women ought ye to be. He talked about how shakespearre said to be or not to be. And how that was such a good question. How sometimes we live life like its a to do list and we have all these things but if we were to make a to be list we would never be able to check it off. What kind of man am i going to be what kind of friend am i going to be?? Again the choices placed before me of who i want to become. Later, i go home, go to my room, fall to my knees in tears. Prayed, had one of the best conversations of my life with my father in heaven. I'm so truly grateful for everything i have, for the friendships i've began to have, I've learned not to take things for granted, to enjoy everything i have. To know the choices i have a head of me. One of my favorite quotes, the lord does not work through doubts and fears but through calamity and peace.

SMILE

I wish people would understand, i really mean it..

"They get caught up in the excitement of looking for something new. But inevitably, the flame of each new theory fades, only to be replaced by another “new and improved” solution that promises to do what the others before could not."- Dieter F. Uchtdorf. Well this is going up on my wall. I love this, it so true, i feel that people will experience things and they take them for granted. They can never be happy with what they have. Whether it be with friends, religions, love, anything i think it happens to everyone. We keep searching to unlock the secrets of happiness. The talk of the way of the disciple is my favorite talk. I love it, it really is the recipe for happiness.. I encourage everyone to read it.

To those who have left the path of discipleship for whatever reason, I invite you to start where you are and come to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Walk again in the way of the Lord. I testify that the Lord will bless your life, endow you with knowledge and joy beyond comprehension, and distill upon you the supernal gifts of the Spirit. It is always the right time to walk in His way. It is never too late.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, you take the words right out of my mouth.

Recipe for happiness?

I think its more about humbling one's self. Starving the ego; the part of us all that wants and wants, and is never content, feeds the soul. If we are to become considerate and compassionate individuals, we should rid ourselves of such egoism and focus on improving our souls and loving one another. This is no doubt a difficult task, but a worthwhile one.

Who we are..

I dunno why i do, but i like to think A LOT. I can remember the littlest things anyone does or says, and they just stick with me for the longest time. I love just reflecting and looking back and looking towards my future, just laying out my life in front of me. A lot of times i go to places of peace and tranquility and just sit and stare out at the horizon and just think about everything that goes through my head. People that know me, know that I don't like swearing and I don't really have the tolerance for it. Well, I asked my friend if he wouldn't swear around me and he said "I'll try, but you can't change it, its who I am." Those words sunk soooooooooo deep for me.. for days I've been thinking about what he said. We live in a world where everyone is trying to find their identity, everyone is trying to find out who they "are". I think everyone is so naive and blind. At a time we all forget where we came from, i know everybody says this, but we are all CHILDREN OF OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. That is WHO WE ARE as a nature, and we CAN'T CHANGE that, no matter how much we want to. We can CHOOSE to finally accept that and STOP trying to be someone we are not. Stop trying to please the world and feel "accepted" because I can promise you, you'll NEVER be truly HAPPY that way. I remember I was like that as a kid, changing from THING TO THING, trying to find things to make me happy. As a result I could never be myself, and it sucked. When I finally accepted that who I'm going to be is a child of God. Is when I started to live my life as CHRIST like as i possibly could, i know i always don't, and its a hard task but i think that its one that's worth everything. The joy i feel as i know who i am and things that i will do, to know what i do with my agency, to know what my choices and what road I'm going to take and where that road leads.. Having that clarity of mind helps me find that PEACE and SERENITY that we all strive for.

Life's A Garden.

Don't worry, I don't sleep. Sitting there all night just pondering on life. When I feel like I need to do something, I take a look at the time. It's FIVE FREAKEN THIRTY in the morning.... I get up decide to do a good deed for my mom and I go and start weeding the garden. About an hour of contemplating in my own thoughts I stop and think about my life as a garden. A lot of people say well i do what i want cuz it's my life.... well its my garden but what am i gonna do with it?? I'm responsible for its care. I decide what grows in it and what doesn't. I get to partake of the fruits that come from it. But I am going to grow weeds, whether they are weeds that i want or not. Weeds will be blown in and i won't know it until they sprout. But i can decide how long those weeds stay, how tall they get how deep those roots grow. I will grow habits, whether i want them or not. Some habits may be because of the friends i'm around, the things i do. But its my choice if i want those roots to sink deep into my life and become harder to break. I have the agency, to neglect the wrong choices in my life or to change my life for the better. Sometimes we know the weeds are there but we keep just ripping what shows and we leave the roots in, we let those habits stay in our lives even though no one may see them, even though our garden may look beautiful we know what's underneath. After ignoring our garden for some time we may find ourselves in nothing but weeds. and during these hard times its easy to hate on the "garden" or life we've been given and blame God the person who gave it to us. The person who has given us the opportunity to become something soo great but yet we have become something soo unwanted. At times we think its too late, there's to many weeds and that there's nothing we can do but we forget of the garden we once were and the garden we can still become. 

COUNTRY.............

I never though this day would ever come.... but thanks to Colton Laird, Jared Harvey and Cameron Wilkey.... I can't believe i'm saying this.... ahhh......... *siiigh* I've fallen in love with country.... yes its true i love country. hahaaha ooh its amazzing i love it. i dunno what it is but it actually calms me down, makes me ponder and remember the memories I've had with people. Taylor Swift.. You're amazing. Tim Mcgraw im coming to your concert don't you worry. haha well today i guess you could say wass a succes i finished trimming some things on the wheel for ceramics. Went to work. Got some coldstone. Went to work again.. then just partied with jared, by driving around and just doing whatever. I guess you could say i enjoyed the simplicity of life. i feel that sometimes as human beings we try to hard to gain more or we tried soo hard to get the attention of other people to find happiness, we depend so much on others, when its just right there in front of us. Its the simplicity of life that makes it worthwhile.

what else?

well i guess i have nothing else to do. haaaa
I'm Arthur Eugene Gonzalez, for those of you who don't know me... (i feel like im giving a talk)
I moved here from Argentina when i was 6 yearsss old. Man.. people who say they miss their family, trust me you don't know how it feels. I only have one uncle and his family that lives in Utah, actually he's the only family we have in the united states. I haven't seen my grandparents or any other family for 11 years now. You could say its rough and it is but i've learned to deal with it, and i know that its not going to change. umm what else about me i love math and ceramics i will start posting some of my art work here in the next few daysss. I've always been into sports i dunno im a child, i think  most people that know me if they want to describe me in one word that's it. I hope my future wife knows that even when im 70 years old im gonna act like i'm 5. I love music, i really do it inspires me literally in everything i do, it helps me make the decisions i do make in life and it gives me a sense of direction when i am completely lost. Dance and Art, both things that have been inspired by music. I can literally say that if it wasn't for the music in my life that i would have done either. I love that I am able to take a song and separate every beat and every sound one from another. Sometimes i literally just focus on one note or one beat that is made throughout the whole song, becoming oblivious to any other sound and that makes the song for me. i've always been strong in the church and i have my parents to thank for that. I really appreciate for the fact that they drilled that into my head at such a young age. I feel so spiritually independent now and i love it, i know my choices and i know my decisions, i know my outcome in life and what i chose to be. and that i believe is when you find happiness is when you are not lost and confused. when you know whats going on and where you are headed. even though at times it is hard to find, its there. It may be like a needle in a haystack but its there... TRUST ME i know

Welcome Back Arty..

ahhhhhhhhhhhh back into the world of blogginggg.. bleeeh i guess you could say endless hours of staying up at night and readin others people's bloggs made me want to come back. I dunno what it is about bloggingg but its great haha. i feel that everyone can just blab on and on and on and on about their life and their problems and the people who actually care and actually want to listen, will listen. Please get over the fact that i suck at writing i hate english and i hate writing butt still choose to blog. haha I won't blog very much or at least i dont think i will butt we'll see. I hope that as people read my blog they can follow me in the pursuit of happiness, i believe that i have found that bliss in my life but yet as trials come my way, i want to be able to find that happiness that calamity in my life to be able to just see everything happen. I am LDS and i am going to be posting a lot of my testimony on this and i hope i can get some good readers and i hope everyone enjoys :) haaa