I'm so close..

I guess i'll start by stating something that Hyrum Smith taught me. There are Four things a person absolutely needs, PERIOD. 

1. To live
2. To love & be loved
3. To feel important
4. Variety

These four needs are the things that govern every choice in our life. Wether we recognize it or not. In order to obtain these needs, at times we are willing to do anything. If you think about it, to live, its easy no one wants to die. When people are faced with death they start doing crazy things in order to get out, in order TO LIVE. To love & be loved.. Where do I even begin with this one.. ahh we'll skip it and I'll come back to it. To feel important, we start sports, we make friends, we begin hobbies, we try to impress others, and at times the need to feel important becomes so great that we begin to start doing the dumbest things, we begin to go out of our boundaries and do crazy things in order to get attention from anything from anyone. Then last but not least Variety. The reason we wear different clothes, the reason we listen to different music, the reason we go on vacation. 

Now at times its not that we need to meet our needs but that we meet our needs in a wrong way and its because of one thing.. SELF WORTH.

SELF WORTH... What are you worth to yourself? Just think about it for a bit. You may be thinking how does self worth tie in with meeting our needs and i thought about that for awhile and it took me awhile to figure it out, it took me a few late night talks with a few friends to finally  realize that if our self worth is great we are willing to do anything to correctly meet our needs. First example once again to live. If you're self worth is high and you walk into a room with a hungry tiger obviously you are going to turn around , run and want the need to live. But if you're self worth is low, you could care less if you were to die, you could careless that you are about to be mauled by a tiger. To feel important and variety i think that these both tie in together.. If think that at times we go down the wrong paths in order to have variety or to feel important in life, we begin to make the wrong friends because it's the easier thing to do. Our self worth is so low that at times we don't care wether we destroy everything and everyone around us as long as we can feel important, as long as we can feel that variety even if it maybe for one small second. Wether it means hurting someone or getting that next high. Then to love and be loved... If we don't have that self worth, we are willing to go to anyone for that love. Even if it means the rudest most mean person we know. That person made us feel loved at one time and we just want that feeling once again. There's just one thing i can say about self worth and that is 

"If your self worth is dependent on anything other than your relationship with Christ, you are in big trouble." -Hyrum Smith


I still can't wrap my head around this... at times I can depend on Christ to meet my needs but I have to admit. Most of the time I let the world tell me who I am. I let it to get in my head and i forget who I am. I forget that I am a Son of God. The man who gave me everything. I let the world tell me that I'm not good enough. That I'm not important. That there is only one way that I can get the variety I need. That there is only one way that I can be loved.. That just because that one person doesn't love me, no one does. That there's no need for me in this world. My self worth is shot down the drain and what do I do. Sit there. Think about what I did wrong. And it was not letting the lord letting me know what I'm worth to him but letting looking at myself the world does. 


 To love & be loved....
 I like to believe that, this need is the one need that as human beings we struggle the most with. For a long a long time in my life. I felt that the only way I would meet this need is by ignoring it. By not caring others. not feeling love or any emotion whatsoever. oh it was so easy to do. It was the easy way out, but then I finally realized. IS THAT WHAT I'M WORTH? The easy way out? All i'm gonna be worth the least possible. Am I gonna give myself literally the very least I can give myself? I finally got up and told my self no, I can do better for myself. I know what I deserve and I'm gonna get it. For awhile I thought I had it. I'll admit it, I felt loved, I felt important but it wasn't because of Christ.. It was because of a girl. And when she was gone, what happened? Well, that love left.. and I'll be honest these last few days, I haven't really felt loved.. but I think I solved the problem. Ha Today, driving home I can't remember from where but I remember seeing a kid I knew of, but never really talked to him. I knew that if we saw each other we would say hi and what's up but not much more than that. I thought in my head pops in my head. "pick him up" and what do I do? Drive on by..... for a second it killed me... I just stared at the road, started making excuses for not to pick him up. He wouldn't pick me up, ahh I'm in a rush, don't really have the time and he probably lives in narnia. But finally, i told my self lets be real if I was him I would love a ride, it's so cold outside. So I flip a U-turn and pick him up. Not much was said in the ride but we both know it was what we both needed. It started so many thoughts and ideas in my head. Later on that day, a friend called me for the smalles favor and all I said was "uhh I can't, I'm already to far away....." he sighs over the phone and sits in silence.. I was going to hang up but then in my head a thought comes "WWJD, and what would a homie do" haha With the right thing to do. I told him, "Don't worry, I'll go get it" and yet he had instant relief and I could tell that he was so happy, it was the one thing that he needed and I was there to help. After that whole little incident, I began to think of the good samaritan, not saying that I'm anything like him but that maybe since I'm not feeling "loved". That maybe I need to love more, and not "that one girl" or "that one homie" but everyone, specially those in need. The moment that I begin to love those around me, that I begin to be the best I can not for myself but for others I believe that all of my needs will be met. I believe that, that's how Christ did it. That even though everything he went through he found his love in loving others. I know it's not gonna be easy at all. but the harder it is the greater the reward. I want my self worth to be so great that I want the best for myself but the only way that I can be the best for myself is in being the best I can be for others as well. That I can take advantage of those opportunities to help all those around me and not let it pass by. That I can take the challenge. That no matter how hard I fall, I can get up ten times stronger. That I'm gonna be the best kid anybody ever knew. It's about how much I can take but still be the best, to keep moving forward. Who's got the right to stop me? No one. If you know what you're worth then get what you're worth.

To the homie..

This post goes out to one of the biggest influences of my life... one of the biggest homies i've had.

Jared Harvey

Four words i have to say to you.. I MISS YOU MAN.
I dunno, i couldn't sleep, just had a lot on my mind. got in my car and just started driving around like we used to. Trying to think of what you would say to me, talking to myself, pretending you were right there. I ended up parking in front of your house.
Memories rushed me like none other. your cabin, powell, getting pulled over, our late night talks, tubing, cruising around on our bikes, endless and endless memories. The things you would say to me. I hope you know you've influenced my life so greatly. I could use you're wisdom and clever sayings more than ever right now. I could really use a late night talk. I told myself this wouldn't happen I wouldn't miss you, but i do man. I hope everything is going great in Argentina. I want to thank you for all the things you taught me, how to get past the hard times and just live life like it should be lived. Thanks for teaching me to take the time, step back and just breathe. Thanks for being the great example for me and for always being there. I can't wait to join you and spread the gospel to the four corners of the earth. I can't even express my gratitude for you man, I love you.

"We must be the change we want to see in the world." -Ghandi

Please watch this first..

This video left me speechless for a bit, and I gotta admit, I did cry a little. I don't even know where to start. ummm this video shows so much of what I've been feeling lately, what I've been trying to tell some people in my life. This man, given one dollar, 

ONE DOLLAR

yet with one dollar look at the change he made. It makes me think, with all that I'm given, with all that I have. Why do I take it for granted? Because I know I do, and I do it subconsciously, when things don't go my way, or how I want them to I start to tell my self that I deserve better, that this shouldn't be happening to me. All I have to say is that we need to stop being selfish. I don't mean go and start donating all we have and doing hours and hours of service. This man all he had was merely a dollar and yet he change the lives of many. What about us, with the opportunities we have to impact one another everyday. With going to school, work and being with friends and family, are we going to choose to make sure things go our way and that we are happy? Or are we going to choose to help those around us, to see those who are having a hard time and cheer them up, to build each other up. The opportunity to help others is a gift of grace. With it being the Christmas season, I want us to start giving a gift... a real gift that won't  be over used, or grow out of size, or loose its worth, but a gift that's unforgotten. That's the gift of charity..the gift of unmeasurable love and kindness. Guys they don't say "tis' the season to be jolly" for nothing. Make the change now to start caring for those around you, to stop always thinking about yourself but about how you can help those around you. I can say one thing that I know for sure, this won't be easiest thing we do. but it's possible and I know that if we do these things and begin to love one another that we will be a happier more peaceful people. As Jacob Schemmel taught me "ELE" Everybody Love Everybody. Don't let this Christmas season be the only time that you care for others, but let it be the start of a new chapter, a new beginning. Let this be the time when you embark a new life. The start of something new, the start of a better, happier life. 

A tender love and mercy..

January 15th 2010... A day that changed my life. A few days after picking up my brother from his mission. I remember sitting in the hotel room with him reading the Book of Mormon. When he challenged me to read The Book of Mormon once a month and he promised that if I did i would be blessed greatly. He promised me that my character would change that I would be blessed in things that I wouldn't be able to see until later.

Well this week was finally the week that I noticed that. I'm kinda mad that it took me so long.. I feel that thanks to the lack of sleep all week, with emotions, work and family keeping me busy, I finally managed to ponder it through. That blessing was understanding the love of christ.. the love christ had for people that he never knew. In the last few days, I've met new people, in the last few months I've met many, but yet I feel as like I've known them for years, like we've been through so much. I don't really know how to explain it but I can tell you one thing that its a beautiful feeling. To be able to understand someone so well, before even getting to know them. At times I forget and act like I really have known them forever but then I remember that they dont' feel the same way you do. Which sucks most of the time haha. I dunno how to explain it but I think I truly found happiness... Just caring for other, caring for every person you meet. Being able to feel a love for them no matter what their past has been. To be able to understand people at such an intense level is really a wonderful gift.

Luckily enough this week went by as an eye opener and helped me see things the way I needed to. To be able to look through the lords eyes for once and understand what he has in store for me. Even though at times its not what I want, its what I need.

Savior, may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior, may I learn to love thee-
Lord, I would follow thee.

Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee.

I couldn't have said it better myself..

I Love not sleeping..

Sleep.. what a waste of time....


SOMETIMES i like not being able to sleep, i know weird huh. but it feels nice to ponder and have the time to do it. to be able to look at my life and try to correct things in life to make changes. Time to listen to some happy music and sit back and close my eyes. Just sit and let my thoughts wander and re arrange in my head. Just feel that peace and calamity that I strive for everyday.

Life's tough.. but you know I CAN DO HARD THINGS. A motto that's stuck through out my life as a kid. Thanks, Bro Tanner for that. I'll never forget it

Another thing I strongly believe in is, NOTHING is achieve without sacrificed. Whether good or bad, big or small. Without sacrifice of time, money, feelings, whatever it may be. You sacrifice something in order to receive something in return. Sometimes the return may be big or small. Whether you want to sacrifice you're time and talents to help those in need, or for memories. The choice is up to you.

I believe that, thats a main part of the recipe to happiness... Willing to sacrifice for the better.. willing to let go of things that don't belong in your life no matter how much you want them. Willing to change. Willing to have faith, that there are things waiting in store for you, if you're willing to make the sacrifice.

Motivation, one of the biggest things people are missing when they try to change. Many feel like they have no control over themselves. “This is who I am.” “I cannot change.” “I was born this way.” The world makes claims like this all the time. “I can’t control my desires.” 


Colossians 3:1-2 says,

“If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.”

I cannot say this any more clearly, you can deny it all you want but it's true. We are ALL children of our Heavenly Father, thats WHO WE ARE, who we are destined to be. We need to learn and understand this but yet its not easy. Its a "hard thing" and you know what I CAN do hard things. I know that if I humble myself and understand that the lord has a better plan for me. That these changes can be done, that this change of heart is possible. Its all wether i'm willing to put in the sacrifice whatever it may be.

This reminds me of the General Conference talk Elder Dale G. Renlund  about preserving the hearts mighty change. In it he states, "Enduring to the end can be challenging because the tendency of the natural man is to reject the spiritually changed heart and allow it to harden Once we begin to make the sacrifices our motivation can only last so long and at times we give up and and begin to dig the whole we once sat in, trapped and alone. Just because it's the easiest way out. But yet we all know that the easiest way isn't the best, so why do we still try the easy way? make shortcuts in life? I believe we need to learn to want to sacrifice, to have the patience for things to get better in our life,  for the mysteries of God to unfold. All in order for us to have true happiness. To be able to live in a blissful state

I love this

A Morning Prayer

Good morning, Dear Lord, how are You? I just wanted to say 'hello;' To let You know that I love You, I simply wanted You to know. That I think of You all the time, You're the greatest part of my life; I thank You for loving me, too, You help me deal with worldly strife. For being with me every day, Thank You for taking walks with me; For all the freedoms that You grant, For allowing me to live free. Thank You for family and friends, And, of course, for all Your true love; For all the blessings You send down, The sun, moon and stars up above. I thank You for Your sacrifice, Dying for us, You shouldn't have done; Simply because You cared so much, All of our battles have been won. Yes, it is a perfect morning, This is such a great way to start; Knowing You're with me all day long, Having You deep, down in my heart. So, Lord, have a wonderful day, If I may be of help to You; Just let me know in Your own way, Whatever You ask, I will do.

~ Paul D. Berube ~

God would not have brought me this far, had me fight this hard, if He didn't believe I was strong enough..